Do it for the Rats
by Anyelse
Summary: (Big Four) A mutually beneficial arrangement goes a long way between friends ... and even further between rivals. The stage is set, the pieces are in place on the board. It's time for the Pied Piper to pay a visit. (Or, Anyelse is an incredibally lazy student, whose decided to make a desperate, yet lazy, plea for help)
1. Wolfrunner99-2

**.o.O. ****_The Poltergeist _****.O.o.**

_Welcome to Hogwarts. It's a nice school all things considered. Scratch that, it's a brilliant place. You see, most kids learn about history or algebra, maybe language or music. Some teach drama or even film studies. Lucky sods. We don't learn any off that. See, we learn 'bout something quite different here._

_We learn magic._

_Now as fantastic as that sounds, we're still in a school. We still have classes, tests, homework and all that other good stuff. Trust me, it's a lot more fun then I'm making it sound. What teens get to learn about transfiguration, or charms? Then have to run to the library to read up for an essay on the fibrous virtues of the snuffpod's pollen?_

_Yeah. I'm gonna shut up about the homework now._

_But we also have after-school activities. There are sports teams on broomsticks, chess clubs, muggle appreciations societies. Plenty of stuff to keep the procrastinating student away from their potions essay, or to give the child prodigy a chance to shine any more blindingly._

_Of these two students, I only wish that I could be one of them._

.o.O.o.

Hiccup sprinted up the grand staircase, bag half-hanging off of his shoulder and slice of buttered toast in his mouth. He was late, very late. One class in, and this was already turning into a bad day.

Without warning, the staircase under him began to slowly move to the right while he was halfway up it. _'Oh no you don't!'_ He put on an extra burst of speed, inhaling crumbs as he panted up the steps. He leapt over the last two steps into the corridor. _'Hah! Success!'_ Only to stumble and fall flat on his face in the corridor. _'Damn.'_

Picking himself up of the floor, Hiccup took a bite out of the soggy toast. He chewed frantically, trying not to choke as he jogged down the corridor. Ten minutes. He could make it. Charms was right _there_.

.o.O.o.

_But of course, like any school it has its problems._

_In any school as big as Hogwarts, there's always going to be "a few scuffles here and there" as Headmistress Gothel calls the inter-House relations. Apparently the rivalries are supposed to introduce competitiveness between the students and keep the standards up or something. And in a way I suppose it kind of works._

_Gryffindors excel at sports, clubs, most competitions really. You could never beat any Ravenclaw in any House, or State exam. Just exams in general. Slytherins just seem determined to be the best at anything and everything. By any means necessary._

_And then you have the easy targets, the Hufflepuffs._

.o.O.o.

"Hey Squibby!"

Hiccup grimaced internally and gave a nervous smile externally. He slowed to a casual walk, but didn't stop moving. Turning he gave his twitching smile to the green-robed Slytherins who started walking along him. He didn't even _try_ to get away. They'd just catch him like they always did. This day had just gone from 'bad' to 'horrible.'

"Hi guys."

Hiccup was acutely aware of his black and yellow tie as he walked between the Sabbington brothers. There was no way he was getting to Charms now. He felt his heart slowly sinking into his stomach as the twins shepherded him back out to the Grand Staircase.

To say that the Sabbingtons were large for their age would've been the understatement of Hiccup's life. Were it not for the fact that he knew that even _thinking_ about comparing the two brothers to gorillas would possibly kill him, Hiccup would've openly admitted that there _was_ a connection somewhere. Not that not thinking it had ever helped him before.

"So uh," Hiccup tried to hide the quaver in his voice by pretending to chew, "how've you been? Working out?"

Silence. He swallowed as the three of them started climbing the nearest staircase. He was going to have to think fast on this one. "Uh, guys ... I know that we have our differences, and our similarities. Few though they are!" He quickly back-tracked seeing both brothers frown at being compared to _him_ of all people. They continued to steer Hiccup up the stairs, they were almost at the top.

"But uh, usually by now you would've, I dunno jinxed my tongue to the roof of my mouth or somethi- where are we going?" They herded him behind a tapestry and through one of the many 'secret' corridors of the school.

.o.O.o.

_Yeah, Hufflepuff for the most part is the house of 'everybody else.' If you're not brave, or smart, or ambitious. Welcome to Hufflepuff, the punchline of every joke in school. Also the favourite punching bag of many people._

_And if you happen to be the punchline of the_ punchline_ to every joke in school? You obviously haven't met me; Henry Horrendous Haddock the Third. Hiccup to everyone else._

.o.O.o.

_'This is bad, this is bad, this is bad thisisbadthisisbadthisisbad.'_

The only thing that kept Hiccup from panicking outright, was that there was still a chance to get out of this. Hiccup wasn't nearly as big as the Sabbingtons, but he was still quick and light on his feet. He might still make it out of here if he played his cards right.

"You guys know that this is a stupid spot for a murder right?" _'So much for "playing the cards right."'_

One brother smirked, one brother scowled. Hiccup didn't know which one was more threatening.

"We know." The smirking one smirked. Smugly. Like a cat with a rat. "Please _Squibby, _if we wanted to kill you, the Forbidden Forest would be the better option." He shrugged, "As it is, everyone's in class now, so there's no one around."

The scowling brother pulled out his wand and twirled it between his fingers as he leaned against the wall beside Hiccup. Hiccup himself started to stand on the balls of his feet ready to bolt when the chance came. Not that it would. 'Chuckles' beside him would be on him with a leg-locker curse so fast that he'd skid along the floor when he fell over.

And yes, he _was_ speaking from experience.

Ah well, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

.o.O.o.

_As much as I'd love to tell you about the wonderful life that I lead. From the nickname, to the fantastic friends that I don't have. I need to tell you about my school's biggest problem._

_As you've probably guessed, like any other school Hogwarts has a bullying problem. We also have drafty classrooms; Potions, being in the dungeons is the worst. Our headmistress is apathetic at best, vindictive at worst. No one knows _how_ she got her place. Rumour has it that she "offed" the previous headmaster with poison, another is that she's secretly a vampire and she drank his blood. My particular favourite is that she's a veela who seduced the Minister of Magic into giving her the position._

_The teachers give loads of homework as well and are quick to draw a detention should you place a _toe _out of line. Especially if you happen to be a squib, or half-squib, or rumoured to be a squib._

_So it's you're typical second-level boarding school if you think about it. It's actually tonnes better than I'm making it sound. (And if I can enjoy this school in any way, anyone can)_

_The only really big problem that we have is our pest._

.o.O.o.

Hiccup bunny-hopped down the staircase. His legs locked together from the knees down, which essentially meant that he couldn't move his legs like a normal human being. Which meant that he was getting a good deal of exercise, hopping awkwardly around like a kangaroo with a broken leg.

He'd gotten off lightly all things considered.

There'll be a reversing charm in the library, which meant that he had ten minutes to get to the place in question before class ended and there were a good deal more people in the hallways to laugh at his expense. He got enough of that from the Sabbington brothers practising their jinxes, thank you very much.

Carefully he bounced on the balls of his feet towards the topmost step of the staircase. He over-balanced and flailed wildly trying to regain equilibrium. He finally gained control of his balance, teetering on the edge of the step. Behind him he heard a giggle, the air was suddenly cold and a faint breeze blew past him. That was the only warning Hiccup got before he was unceremoniously _shoved._

_'Why didn't I grab the railing?'_

.o.O.o.

_See most places have rats, or foxes. Small animals that are readily taken care of with a careful bit of planning. But 'oh no, not Hogwarts.' We don't get small, possibly cute little creatures that are only attracted to food._

_Nah, we get something much worse._

.o.O.o.

It's a nightmare of twists, turns and bone-chilling speed. Hiccup can hear himself yelling as he slides down the stairway. Under him is a trail of frictionless ice, creating the slippriest slope and the scariest ride of his life.

_Left, right, right, left, sharp right, sudden ramp._

Hiccup sees the plan of the vindictive slide, long before he hits it. Futilely he flailed his arms, trying desperately and fruitlessly to grab something to stop himself before he launched into space.

"No no no nonononononono- aaaaaaargh!" Hiccup was airborne. Everything was in slow motion, the ice crystals following him, the gob-smacked expressions of the portraits on the wall, the moving staircase in front of him turning to catch him so that the hellish ride could continue.

"Aaaarg-_oof_!" Touchdown.

The door in front of him opened and Hiccup saw the surprised expression of the small Ravenclaw, before he collided with her knees, knocking her on top of him. The slide now had two passengers instead of one, both hollering at the top of their lungs. Clinging to each other, they spun down the slippery ice out of control. Unheard by either victim, there was laughter.

The slide turned right, then travelled up a wall, then back down again. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tried to grab something, anything that would slow them down. In response, the slide gave them a loop-the-loop.

The two of them gripped each other harder. _Left, door, shelves._ The library book cases hurled past them in a blur of colour. They were flown under tables and around chairs. The startled faces of students interrupted from study flashed at them before;

_Thump, bump, thonk!_

The ride finally ended when the two of them crashed into a red-head Gryphindor, only to continue into a book-case. A small avalanche ensued.

.o.O.o.

_We get a certain poltergeist by the name of Jack Frost._

**.o.O. ****_Author's Notes_**** .O.o.**

_Guess whose back!_

_I have excellent news, I got into Uni! Gweh, I'm so happy! 'Course this means that I'm going to have to leave you guys for a while until I actually have the time to waste on this site. Because get this;_

_Uni is HARD! You get weekly assignments and then on top of that you get long-term projects and then on top of THAT you end up writing reports for labs and the like. I actually don't have the time to waste on this site. I barely get enough time to read the Fanfics that I'm following, never mind finish or continue the ones that I have. The only reason that I even have the time to type this up is because I'm on my mid-term break, and even then I have a tonne of stuff to do._

_Actually, I tell a lie; Uni is partly the reason that I'm opening up this new Fanfic. So here's the story;_

_I'm not going to have enough time to continue my other projects while I have projects of my own in Uni. However, I want to keep you all happy by giving all my lovely followers and reviewers something to sink their teeth into while I'm busy doing Uni stuff. So I'm going to cut you a deal._

_Last week I recieved a review from a certain Wolfrunner99-2. I sent them a reply telling them all about Uni, and my current project which is worth 20% of my overall grade this year. I'm supposed to be writing a 2000 word essay on the rat, and why it's such a successful mammal. I've had a little trouble finding references, so I said that if they could find me a site or academic artical on the animal in question, I'd do a oneshot in their name._

_I didn't realise that they actually WOULD reply with a reference. So Aunty Anyelse wrote them a very short oneshot. (Sorry Wolfrunner, didn't get to put in any shipping in there. I actually have no time to write any more than you see - says s/he writing a ridiculously long 'Author's Note')_

_So , I'd like to cut you the same deal. Get me articles and reports on rats, and I will write oneshots for you. Here are the conditions;_

_1) The better the reference, the better the oneshot. (This is a COLLEGE paper, references are everything. There is a lot more credibility to the essay if I'm quoting other scientific papers. Basically "Britannica Better, Wikipedia Worse")_

_2) You can have whatever oneshot you want, so long as it's 'the Big Four' and you remember that I can not write relationships for the life of me. So be careful if you want a 'shipfic.'_

_3) Any AU's fine by me, so long as you don't wan't explicit content. You can have HP, LotR, Westerns, Sci-Fi's, hell I might even do a High School fic if you have a REALLY good one._

_If you have any references or questions, you can contact me through the Private Message system. Otherwise, just paste the link in your review like I've typed out below;_

_'randomcrap'*dot*'randomsite'*dot*com_

_ is really wierd about posting links. It just doesn't let you type them out, whatever they are._

_If you want a oneshot, hurry! __**The closing date is the 30th of November 2013.**__Be sure to have reviewed, or PMed before this date._

_Until next time,_

_Anyelse_


	2. Heccatenna

**.o.O.** _**Before the Match **_**.O.o.**

Tense did not even _begin_ to describe the atmosphere in the Great Hall. Everything from the overcast, almost thundery weather above the ceiling, to the twitches passing through the faces of every student at breakfast. From the boistrous shouts and yells, to the sullen glares and threats betwen the house tables. Two in particular.

Yep, quidditch season had officially begun.

"Place your bets, last chance before closing! Gryphondor verses Slytherin, the must see, must bet match of the year! All winnings, or losses, to go to the B.O.R.E.D. society. This is your last chance to place bets before the gates officially-"

"Hiccup, what are you doing?"

"Ah- ergh, ah Astrid Hi!" Hiccup stumbled over a table leg, and caught himself in the nick of time. There were muted sniggers around the green-robed table, that were quickly cut short at the glare the Slytherin chaser shot at them. Hiccup stood up quickly, covering his prosthetic behind his robes before people could stare.

Not that they would, with Astrid around, but Hiccup had never taken chances. _'Apart from one.'_

Astrid turned back to the Hufflepuff, an eyebrow raised at the notebook, quill, and money-box strapped to Hiccup's chest. And let's not forget the badges, lots and lots of badges, pinned anywhere Hiccup could find space, which was to say, everywhere. Not only did he rattle with every step h took, he looked like an insanely coloured lizard.

Knowing the dragons that Astrid knew, that was seriously impressive.

"What are you doing?"

Hiccup rubbed the back of his reddening neck. Embaressed. "Uh, well the badge selling wasn't working out for me. So I tried a new tactic."

Astrid's eyebrow, if it was at all possible, would've raised further. "So you started up a betting ring?"

He shrugged, "Well yeah." Hiccup gestured to the surrounding tables, "How can you not use this?"

Astrid had to admit, Hiccup had a point. (Like he always did, but that was _beside_ the actual point) The Great Hall had been split down the middle in a blur of green and scarlet. On their side, the table was awash in drapings of green and silver. Emerald and silver scarves were roped around necks, the silver serpent of Slytherin shining proudly above them all. On the opposite end of the hall, even from back here, Astrid could barely see the Gryffindors wrapped in gold and scarlet. They just seemed to blur in a huge bloob of red underneath the snarling face of a golden lion.

But even through the wild blur of colour, and confusing battle lines that was the no-man's-land of the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, Astrid could see the flaming hedge of hair. How Merida became the quidditch captain, Astrid would never know. _'Then again,'_ thought Astrid, turning to see the rest of her team crowded around her own captain, _'I just might.'_

Hiccup was on the same line of thought.

"Whoever nominated Jack and Merida as team captains had to be a genius. I mean, look at it; this is the most anticipated game of the past four years. Especially considering that there has not _been_ a proper match for the past four years." Hiccup waved at the staff table, toward one noticibly empty seat in particular. "Makes you completely forget that the school is up for review."

He turned back to Astrid, and hefted up his note book. "So, shall you place a bet?"

Astrid smirked, "That depends bookie, what are our odds?"

"What, Slytherin? I, well, er ..." Hiccup grimiced, "I don't actually know." The smirk was replaced with a slight frown. Hiccup hurriedly back-tracked. "Well, that is to say that, I can't really tell you can I? Not with this lot about." A nod at the green-clad table beside them, who were now listening in to their odds. "It's not easy, even if I have Rapunzel's help figuring out the odds."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Okay then, _how_ are you figuring out the odds?"

Hiccup beamed. "With arithmancy."

The raised eyebrow was back. "Seriously? You're actually using that?"

"Well, _in theory_ it should work. The bookies on Diagon Alley use it for actual matches all the time."

"But."

"But what?"

Astrid gave Hiccup a Look. _'Damn, she must be taking lessons from Professor Dunbroch.'_ "Hiccup, I know you well enough to know that there's a 'but' somewhere in that sentence."

Hiccup figited with the quill in his hands. He gave a non-chalant shrug. "Even with the sums that we've been working on, we don't actually _know_ what the odds are. And believe me, we've been working on it." Hiccup nodded at the Gryphindor Table, "Merida's got a secret weapon, and for once she's actually keeping it a secret. Notice anything?"

Astrid turned to look at the scarlet table. There was Merida, shooting daggers across the hall, Astrid didn't have to turn to know that it was Jack. Around her the team were boistrously rough-housing. Astrid frowned. For a team about to play the 'must see, must bet game of the year,' they were awfully confident. Even from here, she could see half a dozen Gryphondors place bets with a swamped-looking Rapunzel. Astrid turned back to the opposing team. Keeper, beaters, chasers ... _'Ah!'_

"The seeker's missing."

"Knew you'd see it. Yeah, no one knows who it is. More to the point, no one knows who _knows_ who it is." Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck, "If that makes any sense."

"Does Jack know?"

Now it was Hiccup's turn to give Astrid a Look, which quickly turned into a nod. "Oh yeah, Merida would totally let the Slytherin captain in on her little secret! Yeah- no. And believe me, Jack has been breathing down my neck trying to find answers. Even said that he'd buy badges for the whole team if I could come up with a name." Hiccup shrugged, and the two dozen badges clacking together on his robes were witness enough.

Astrid felt something inside her stir. She reached into her pocket. "How much?"

"Minimum bet is a sickle."

Astrid's eyes rolled. Again. "I'm not taking a bet Hiccup. I'm buying the badges."

Hiccup blinked, "You are?"

His customer smirked, "Of course I am. If I _did_ take a bet out you'd just lose your money." There were sniggers from the table behind them, Astrid ignored them. "Believe me, this is simpler then betting on Gryphindor winning. Less confusing too."

Astrid held out a Galleon, more than enough to cover _twelve_ badges. Hiccup gave a small smile as he fished out the badges. Astrid's stomach did little flips, she looked at the ground to hide her blush. She was a quidditch player damn it!

"Thank you Astrid, _so much_."

"Oh just shut up and take the money already." She stuffed the badges into her emerald quidditch robes' pocket and marched briskly off to join her team mates as they left the Great Hall for the pitch. Hiccup trotted with his awkward gait after her.

"Wait Astrid! What about the change?"

"Keep it!"

With that, Astrid was lost in a sea of silver and green as the rest of the students filed out around her. Hiccup stopped and stood to the side as the crowd passed. There was a warm feeling in his chest and he was fairly certain that it had _nothing_ to do with the fact that the money box was now a whole Galleon heavier. He was still grinning like an idiot as six more Slytherins followed Astrid's example and bought badges rather than making bets. The grin was still ear to ear as he walked through the courtyard with the rest of the students.

He was even smiling when he was suddenly, (and quite easliy he had to admit) bowled over by a second year student half of his size. He was still smiling as his prosthetic leg slipped out from under him. He was still grinning as his face made close aquaintence with the cobblestones.

_'Ow.'_

Decidedly _not smiling_ anymore Hiccup pushed himself up off of the ground, massaging his nose as he sat up. He sent a watery stare to the blurry figure standing over him. Blinking, he realised that it was;

"Babs? What are you doing here?"

The tiny Ravenclaw was bouncing up and down with nervous energy, the green bows in her hair bouncing along with her. She pulled Hiccup to his feet and dragged the much taller Hufflepuff behind her. The young man in question stumbled along as fast as his left leg would let him.

"Babs, Tooth slow down! What's the rush?" Hiccup finally pulled her to a halt as she tugged at his arm frantically. Her mismatched blue and purple eyes were wide with, what Hiccup thought was panic. She mumbled something as she ran behind Hiccup and pushed him forward along the lawn towards the quidditch pitch.

"What did you say?"

"Jamie."

Hiccup half-turned to her. "What?"

"Jamie Bennet." The little Ravenclaw went back to pulling Hiccup. "It's Jamie."

Hiccup's eyes widened. "What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

Babs shook her head, bird-like. "It's Jamie Bennet." She leaned in close, Hiccup bent to hear her whisper.

"It's Jamie Bennet. _He's_ the Gryphindor seaker!"

**.o.O. _Author's Notes_ .O.o.**

_HAPPY HALLOWEEN!_

_(But Halloween was four days ag- *bang* ... Ow)_

_Dudes, can I just say how much I love you all? Seriously, the response that I've gotten to this "lazy, yet desperate plea for help" (or as one certain reviewer called it quite accurately too, a "bribe") is so much better than I could've ever hoped for. Ye are all just too nice! At this point, I owe four different people six different oneshots on the stuff that I can actually USE in my essay alone._

_All I can say is thank you so much. Feck me, one reviewer sent me a whole freaking BOOK on the relationship between rats and humans. Guys, just, I have no words to tell you how happy I am. That's why it pains me to say that it might be AGES before you get the oneshots owed to you. I didn't realise how popular this collection and commision project would be. So it's going to be a while before you get to see your stuff. (And that's just cause I suddenly have a tonne of stuff to do, not just here but in the, *shudder* real world. Urgh)_

_That doesn't mean that I'm complaining however. I'm actually really enjoying this. Imagine! Anyelse enjoying her work. Shock! Horror!_

_On another note I have spent the best part of six years on this site, but it was only today, (Halloween) that I actually got my first flame! It disturbs me how funny I find that. Mind you, it's because the review itself is AWFUL. Look I'll actually quote it for you;_

**_From: 'I'm taking names,' - 30/10/2013_**

"Nnnnnnnnoooooooooonononononononononononononononon o nonoonono! How could you making repunzle have brown short hair it is stupid and Jack Frost is more attracted to her hair please make it nothing like the hair she has like make her hair pretty and blond and long! I MEAN IT !"

_Look at it! LOOK AT IT! Isn't it hilarious? This is the genuine review, I only 'copy-and-pasted' it. CLEARLY this person didn't do their homework. I hate to break it to you honey, but in 'A Potteriffic AU' Rapunzel didn't get her "pretty and blond and long" hair until second year. Look it up Hon. _('Dusty Leaves'_ on both _Deviantart _and_ Tumblr)

_Flame me all you want Anonymous reviewer, I'm going to choose to ignore it. (Unless it's to share with you guys, we can all laugh at it together, Mwah ha ha ha ha!)_

_Until next time,_

_Anyelse_

_P.S. Oh yeah. This week's oneshot was requested by Heccatenna._

**_Request:_**_ "_Hogwarts, quidditch tournament with Merida playing for Gryffindor, Jack playing for Slytherin and Hiccup quietly using the aforementioned opportunity to open a betting pool."

_**What They Actually Got:** A lot of Hiccup/Astrid fluff, some rushed exposition and a clif-hanger ending. Sorry 'bout that. Maybe later, I'll type out the actual match, but I'm keeping these oneshots to roughly 1000 words each. More than that, and I won't be able to keep up with the demand. You know the drill now, another link, another chapter!_

_P.P.S. I should probably post guide lines to what I'm looking for in regards to the references. These are the main points that I want to bring up in my essay;_

1) Cohabitation with humans,  
How long has it occured? How does it benefit the rat?

2) Structure,  
Teeth, agility, etc.

3) Breeding speed and habits,  
Nesting, off-spring, why is it common-place to encounter infantcide?

4) Opportunsim  
The omnivorous diet, and how it affects the rat's behaviour.

5) Global conquest  
The impact on ecosystems. How the rat came to be on every major continent.

6) Fossil evidence  
How long has the rat been around? Have there been many changes in terms of evolution? (In other words, is there a "If it Ain't Broke, Don't Fix it" policy?

_So, that's all (for now) folks. Ya'll know the drill._


End file.
